


Meetcute

by shuofthewind



Series: Fidelis ad Mortem [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Cell Phones, F/M, Fluff, Police, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 09:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2062710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuofthewind/pseuds/shuofthewind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><strong>5:35 PM</strong> <em>I make it a foundational point of my life to have full disclosure to all of those I misdial at four in the morning.</em></p><p>Or, Ling dials the wrong number, and Lan Fan's certain she's now flirting with a serial killer. Well, maybe 43% sure. He keeps making her laugh, and she's pretty sure sociopaths aren't that charming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meetcute

**Author's Note:**

> Lan Fan is regular text, Ling is italics, Paninya is bold, and Mei is underlined. 
> 
> I am sickened by how fluffy this is. Seriously.

“If you ever ask me to do this again, I’m selling the shoe story to the _Times_.”

“Um.” Lan Fan shifted her swizzle stick from one side of her mouth to the other. “I think you have the wrong number.”

There was a long pause from the other end of the phone. “Now I feel considerably stupider than I did when I woke up this morning.” The misdial was male, young (or young-sounding). She could barely hear him through the chatter of the coffee shop. The area code that had been listed on her phone was from two states away. She glanced down at her notebook, and then leaned back in her chair, chewing the end of the swizzle stick. “Sorry. That’s…ah. Forget I ever said anything about shoes.”

“Shoes,” Lan Fan repeated. On the other side of the table, Paninya cocked an eyebrow, and jerked her head towards the phone. Lan Fan shook her head, and covered her other ear so she could hear better. “Honestly, I don’t think I want to know.”

For some reason, the guy laughed. He had a nice laugh. It kind of squeaked at the end. “If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you. I swore on my mother’s life.”

“I see.” She bit down hard on her swizzle stick. “Well, good luck.”

“Yeah,” said the misdial.  “I’ll keep an eye on my fingers next time. Have a good day.”

He hung up first. Lan Fan threw her phone back onto the table, and when Paninya looked like she was about to ask, said, “List the most common traffic violations in alphabetical order.”

Paninya threw a crumpled napkin at her.

* * *

The second time it happened, it was four AM, and Lan Fan dropped the phone twice before she finally hit the answer button and made a noise that approximated _I am going to kill you_ in Lan Fan language. She could hear the distortion of rap music and people over the bad connection. Whoever it was, they were probably at a party. “Yeah?”

There was a long moment of silence from whoever it was on the other end. For a second, she thought Paninya had butt-dialed her. Then she looked across the room, and saw that Paninya was curled up in bed, very much not sneaking out, and even if she _had_ snuck out she probably wouldn’t have been at a party anyway. Someone cleared his throat. “Uh. I think I hit the six instead of the three again. How much do you want to kill me?”

He sounded kind of familiar. Then she remembered. Misdial Guy. The one with the shoe thing. She jammed her glasses onto her face and rolled onto her back, staring out the window. It had started snowing sometime while she was asleep. She might have to call off the whole “I jog at dawn” thing.

“I am so sorry,” Misdial Guy said. Lan Fan shifted—she kind of needed to pee, but Paninya’s stupid stray cat was sitting on her feet and if she moved she was going to get teeth in her ankle—and pushed her bangs up out of her face.

“It’s fine,” she said. Her voice was all crackly. “I’m getting up in an hour anyway.” Well, technically an hour and a _half_ , but she wasn’t about to quibble. She closed her eyes. Then, because she had absolutely no filter when she was sleepy, she said, “That music is horrifying.”

Misdial Guy laughed again. “It’s kind of making my ears bleed, but it’s my sister’s birthday. Her choice. What can you do?”

“I don’t have a sister. I wouldn’t know.”

“Lucky you.” There was a burst of muffled voices. Then Misdial Guy was back. “Look, I’m so sorry I woke you. I promise this won’t happen again. I’ll be _very_ careful. As in, high radiation levels, danger, Will Robinson, danger, the six button is off limits levels of careful. Okay?”

Lan Fan grunted, and then realized not everyone spoke Lan Fan language. “Thanks.”

“Good night,” he said, and then there was another click, and he’d hung up. Lan Fan dropped her hand down to the bed, letting her phone tumble through her fingers, as Paninya’s cat skittered up to rest on her belly. When she woke up again, at seven-thirty (she’d slept through her jogging alarm, but whatever, snow), there was a text from Misdial Guy.

_I figure since you’re in the 212 area code, you’re in NYC, so if you go to Resembool Café, on 20 th Street (address is listed online) and ask for Al, you’ll get a pick-me-up. Just, you know. As an apology for being a sleep-wrecker. _

Lan Fan read the text three times, and then kicked Paninya’s cat onto the floor. She wasn’t going to go. She had class. And homework. And training. She didn’t have the time for it. Even if it _was_ Saturday.

She wasn’t going. End of story.

* * *

9:27 AM  
That’s kind of a lot of trouble to go to just to say sorry.

9:30 AM  
 _I take my position as a Guardian of REM seriously. Did Al do a good job?_

9:32 AM  
Best coffee ever. The fact that it was purchased for me by a potential serial killer gave it some added flavoring.

9:33 AM  
 _Ouch._

9:34 AM  
 _Not entirely unexpected, but ouch._

9:34 AM  
 _How do I know I didn’t just buy coffee for a serial killer? There’s this thing called vice versa going on here._

9:35 AM  
Statistically speaking, the most prominent and well-known serial killers have been male. So, statistically speaking, I’m the hunted, not the hunter.

9:36 AM  
 _Double ouch._

9:39 AM  
Anyway, thanks for the coffee. Keep an eye on your six.

9:41 AM  
 _Is that some militaryish way of telling me to watch my back? You *are* a serial killer._

9:46 AM  
 _That or, you know, in the military._

9:48 AM  
 _Did your phone die or something?_

9:51 AM  
Why do you still want to talk to me? You woke me up, you bought me coffee. Interaction ended.

9:53 AM  
 _Would it be creepy if I said that it’s because you’re interesting?_

9:58 AM  
Yes. Profoundly.

9:59 AM  
 _Then it’s because I’m currently watching my sister puke up all her Jello shots, and talking to some coffee-drinking Manhattan serial killer is much more appetizing than seeing all that Jello come back up._

10:01 AM  
Um, gross.

10:01 AM  
 _It’s like someone blended a bunch of Jolly Ranchers. It just kind of all looks brownish now. Except, you know. Not._

10:02 AM  
That is absolutely disgusting and I am never going to have Jolly Ranchers again.

10:03 AM  
And I’m not in the military.

10:04 AM  
 _See, you wouldn’t have told me that if you thought I was a serial killer._

10:05 AM  
Debatable. Sociopaths excel at disguising themselves in regular company. You could definitely be a stalker.

10:06 AM  
And on that note, this conversation is seriously over.

10:06 AM  
Have a good life, Misdial Stalker.

* * *

4:32 PM  
 _I know how to prove to you I’m not a stalker._

4:45 PM  
I’m listening.

4:46 PM  
 _If you go to the 12 th Precinct down in Greenwich, and ask for Detective Hawkeye, she can prove it. Pull up my record and everything. Squeaky clean, I swear. Well, except for that one thing with the shoes, but that was my friend’s fault._

4:48 PM  
 _I can even take pictures of my apartment for you. No creepy stalker walls._

4:52 PM  
I’m pretty sure that’s illegal. (The revelation of someone’s record thing, not the creepy stalker wall thing. Though the creepy stalker wall thing is justifiably creepy.)

4:52 PM  
Why do you care so much about this? It’s been a good two weeks.

4:57 PM  
 _Isn’t it kind of natural to want to prove you’re not rooting through someone’s garbage for used Kleenex or something?_

4:59 PM  
 _I know you’re just a wrong number and everything, and I shouldn’t be this invested, but at the same time you’re funny, and you seem nice, and I just moved to the city, so I don’t have a lot of friends. (Also why my cell phone is still an Ohio number.) And even if we never meet it’s kind of nice to talk to someone, you know? Same reason people go to chatrooms and stuff. Just with fewer websearches._

5:26 PM  
…you’re really strange.

5:27 PM  
 _Pretty sure if you open up the dictionary, my picture is there in black and white. At least, for the editions after I was born. Before that, who knows._

5:32 PM  
Maybe your parents.

5:33 PM  
 _Nah, they’re shining examples of normalcy. At least, as normal as a many-times-divorced father and a CEO mother can be. It’s my stepmother that’s odd._

5:34 PM  
And there you go giving me weird details again.

5:35 PM  
 _I make it a foundational point of my life to have full disclosure to all of those I misdial at four in the morning._

5:37 PM  
Except apparently your name.

5:37 PM  
 _Now who’s the invested one?_

5:38 PM  
Fine. You’re going to be Misdial Stalker for the rest of your life. That’s what I’m registering you under in my address book. Only name under M. “Misdial Stalker With An Unconscionable Shoe Obsession.”

5:39 PM  
 _I’m in your address book?_

5:40 PM  
Only for the purposes of my ignoring you.

5:40 PM  
 _Ouch. You don’t pull any punches, do you?_

5:41 PM  
I was trained not to.

5:41 PM  
 _Who trained you, James Bond?_

5:42 PM  
 _That settles it. I’m making the text tone for you Secret Agent Man. It’s so happening._

5:43 PM  
Spazz.

5:43 PM  
 _Made you laugh, didn’t it?_

5:44 PM  
No, it didn’t. You’re too full of yourself.

5:45 PM  
 _Pshhhh, is there such a thing._

5:46 PM  
 _And you totally laughed. I know it in my bones._

5:49 PM  
It was a snort. At the most. Don’t get a swelled head.

5:51 PM  
 _I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT._

5:52 PM  
Calm down. Jesus.

5:53 PM  
 _My new goal in life is to make you laugh once a day._

5:54 PM  
That’s kind of a weird goal, considering you don’t know me at all.

5:56 PM  
 _I know you’re never going to eat Jolly Ranchers again thanks to my sister. Also that you know how to punch people, so you’re probably martial arts-y or a security guard or something. That or just really fight-oriented. And I know that you get up at what-the-hell-time-is-it o’clock in the morning. Seriously, five-thirty? *Seriously?*_

6:00 PM  
I jog.

6:00 PM  
 _Ewwww._

6:01 PM  
Shut up.

6:03 PM  
 _No judging here. Just…ew._

6:03 PM  
 _Can’t you run at seven or something? When it’s actually light out?_

6:05 PM  
For someone who says they’re not judging, I’m feeling exceptionally judged.

6:06 PM  
And it’s quieter before dawn.

6:07 PM  
 _Mental note: Add ‘likes quiet places’ to the list of things known about Wrong Number Girl._

6:09 PM  
Oh my god.

6:10 PM  
You seriously are a stalker.

6:11 PM  
 _But I’m charming._

6:12 PM  
You’re charming the same way ebola is charming.

6:14 PM  
 _Okay, now I’m the one that’s grossed out._

6:15 PM  
Deal with it.

6:16 PM  
 _Are you always this sassy?_

6:17 PM  
Depends on whether or not I’m talking to misdials with the same level of charm as a virus that causes extensive internal hemorrhaging.

6:18 PM  
 _I am very surprised your autocorrect didn’t screw that up in some way._

6:20 PM  
My phone doesn’t have autocorrect.

6:21 PM  
 _Shut the front door._

6:23 PM  
Oh my god, are you twelve? Because I haven’t heard that phrase since I was twelve.

6:24 PM  
 _You’re still using a T9 pad? I thought those were phased out years ago._

6:25 PM  
 _And no, I’m not twelve. What kind of twelve year olds did you know?_

6:29 PM  
Technically they were phased out. And all the twelve year olds I knew were homeschooled.

6:31 PM  
 _Please tell me you have one of those indestructible Nokia phones. Or whatever brand it was, I don’t remember._

6:31 PM  
 _Were you homeschooled?_

6:32 PM  
All I know is that my roommate knocked it into a sink full of water and after two days in a bag of rice it still functions fine.

6:33 PM  
And none of your business.

6:35 PM  
 _Duly noted._

6:37 PM  
 _It’s Ling, by the way._

6:41 PM  
 _My name, I mean._

6:43 PM  
 _In case you do go check on my nonexistent criminal record courtesy of the illustrious Detective Hawkeye._

6:59 PM  
 _Where’d you go?_

7:05 PM  
 _Wrong Number Girllllll._

7:49 PM  
You’re like a cat that’s been locked in a room. Leave you alone for too long and you start scratching the walls.

7:51 PM  
 _You’re back!_

7:53 PM  
Debatable.

8:06 PM  
Turning off my phone. Don’t blow it up while I’m gone.

8:08 PM  
 _I make no promises._

* * *

10:34 AM  
I’m in the police academy.

10:37 AM  
Since you seem to have been wondering.

10:39 AM  
 _Holy crap, seriously?_

10:45 AM  
Is there a problem with that?

10:49 AM  
 _Nah. That was just one of my guesses._

10:50 AM  
 _I didn’t expect to actually be right._

10:51 AM  
You had a list of guesses about why I can punch people?

10:52 AM  
 _Among other things. ‘Police academy’ was right in between ‘lucha libre wrestler’ and ‘professional bodyguard.’_

10:53 AM  
 _I told you I know basically no one in the city, right? I don’t have a lot of ways to kill time._

10:54 AM  
 _Not that you’re a way to kill time._

10:55 AM  
 _That came out wrong._

10:56 AM  
Remind me why I still talk to you.

10:58 AM  
 _Because I promised to make you laugh every day?_

10:59 AM  
So far you have not yet succeeded.

11:04 AM  
 _OUCH. I’ve been trying really hard with those jokes, too._

11:05 AM  
 _Personally I find it really astounding that we’ve been texting for like a month now and you’ve never even told me your name._

11:06 AM  
 _Or, you know, use mine. Since I told you. Ling. It’s easy. It rolls off the tongue. It’s even easy to type. Well, sort of._

11:07 AM  
That would be making things easy. 

11:09 AM  
 _Wait, if you’re in the police academy, why are you texting me in the middle of class?_

11:12 AM  
I’m not in the middle of class.

11:14 AM  
 _Lies! You’re an in-class texter!_

11:26 AM  
In my defense, I have a degree in biochemistry, so most of the basics of forensic serology are old hat.

11:27 AM  
 _For some reason that’s kind of hot._

11:28 AM  
Oh my god. Ignoring you now.

11:30 AM  
 _Did I make you blush?_

11:33 AM  
Not in the slightest.

11:36 AM  
 _I so did. I know it._

11:39 AM  
Oh my *god,* shut up.

11:40 AM  
 _So, why the police academy? You know. For purposes of evaluation._

11:41 AM  
 _Unless this is all an elaborate scheme to hide your serial killer tendencies under a uniform._

11:46 AM  
Speaking of, you still haven’t proved to me you don’t have a stalker wall.

11:48 AM  
 _Don’t think I didn’t notice your avoidance of the question._

11:49 AM  
 _And I have a video file all ready to send you. I just know your tiny old phone can’t handle it. It might give it a heart attack._

11:52 AM  
Free of class, free of class. Thank God almighty, we’re free of class.

11:54 AM  
 _Remind me to brush up on Martin Luther King, Jr. Somehow I don’t think he meant for that quote to be used in that way._

11:55 AM  
 _If you have an email or something I can send you the file there._

11:56 AM  
Just let me dig up my old “none of your business what my name is” email address…

11:58 AM  
 _So untrusting._

11:59 AM  
 _And I might change your text tone to something other than Secret Agent Man now, considering you’re a cop and not a spy._

12:01 PM  
 _Maybe one of the CSI opening songs…_

12:03 PM  
Something is very seriously wrong with you.

12:04 PM  
 _Hey, ‘Who Are You’ actually works pretty well in this circumstance since I STILL DON’T KNOW YOUR NAME._

12:06 PM  
Considering my text tone for you is ‘Do The Creep,’ everything works out fine, then.

12:08 PM  
 _I’m in so much pain right now. You’re hurting me deeply._

12:10 PM  
 _Wait, does that mean your phone kept singing ‘Do The Creep’ during your overview of forensic seremawhosit?_

12:12 PM  
Forensic serology.

12:12 PM  
And no. I had it on silent.

12:13 PM  
 _For someone with a T9 pad, you text super fast._

12:14 PM  
I have practice.

12:15 PM  
 _Speaking of texting, you know what my voice sounds like, right? And I know what yours sounds like, so why do we text all the time? It’s not like there’s a weird barrier between hitting the keyboard and actually pressing the ‘call’ button._

12:37 PM  
…. _too soon?_

12:39 PM  
No.

12:42 PM  
Yes.

12:43 PM  
I don’t know.

12:45 PM  
 _I swear to you, I’m not a serial killer._

12:49 PM  
It’s just weird to consider.

12:51 PM  
Sometimes all I can think is that you’re this weird ghost in the machine. And if I actually talk to you, you’re not. You know?

12:54 PM  
 _I won’t call if you don’t want me to. I just think I’m getting carpal tunnel of the thumbs. Is that a thing?_

12:56 PM  
I’ll ask my roommate. She’s the one with a degree in anatomy and physiology.

12:58 PM  
Have to go back into class.

12:59 PM  
If you want to send me that video, you can use this address. [link]

1:01 PM  
 _Success! No stalker walls here._

* * *

3:12 PM  
 _Whooooo are you, who-who, who-who…_

3:13 PM  
OH MY GOD GO AWAY I AM IN CLASS.

3:14 PM  
 _CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP._  

* * *

9:42 AM  
 _Okay, so what’s your favorite song by The Who?_

9:45 AM  
What if I didn’t listen to The Who? What would you say then?

9:47 AM  
 _I’d stop talking to you. Well, not really, because you’re funnier than my roommates. But seriously. Favorite song by The Who. Go._

9:49 AM  
 _And if you say Boris the Spider our friendship is ended._

9:50 AM  
I don’t know if this actually technically qualifies as a ‘friendship’ more than a ‘random misdial,’ but…

9:52 AM  
 _Shut your face._

9:53 AM  
Remember that I’m not actually speaking.

9:54 AM  
 _Song. Now._

9:55 AM  
So demanding.

9:55 AM  
I’ll tip my hat to the new constitution / Take a bow for the new revolution / Smile and grin at the change all around / Pick up my guitar and play / Just like yesterday / Then I’ll get on my knees and pray / We don’t get fooled again.

9:57 AM  
 _A revolutionary, huh?_

9:59 AM  
I may go to political rallies in my spare time. Not that I get much of that considering my schedule.

10:01 AM  
 _Stop telling me things like that, I get all hot and bothered._

10:02 AM  
Yeah, right. Paying attention to class, now.

10:03 AM  
 _Wait, you remembered that whole lyric IN CLASS?_

10:04 AM  
 _Wrong Number Girl?_

10:05 AM  
 _Oh, come on, don’t leave me hanging like that._

10:59 AM  
Lan Fan.

11:00 AM  
 _I don’t understand your police cadet language._

11:01 AM  
It’s my name.

11:01 AM  
 _Holy crap, seriously?_

11:02 AM  
Now I regret telling you.

11:03 AM  
 _Why? I like it._

11:04 AM  
I have to eat before my next class. Shoo.

11:05 AM  
… _damn earworm._

* * *

8:21 AM  
The Who or the Beatles?

8:35 AM  
 _You’re waking me up early on a Saturday for music questions?_

8:37 AM  
You text me in class all the time. Suck it up. The Who or the Beatles?

8:43 AM  
 _The Who, by 0.01%. The Beatles or the Rolling Stones?_

8:44 AM  
The Beatles. Blondie or White Snake?

8:46 AM  
 _How old do you think I am?_

8:48 AM  
Answer the question.

8:49 AM  
 _I must answer White Snake for fear of dismantling my fragile masculinity. Madonna or Britney?_

8:51 AM  
Neither, U2.

8:54 AM  
Speaking of, U2 or Modest Mouse?

8:55 AM  
 _Modest Mouse. Black-Eyed Peas or The Pussycat Dolls?_

8:57 AM  
Oh my god, you *are* twelve.

8:59 AM  
 _You woke me up with questions about 80s music, I reserve the right to quiz you about 90s tween pop._

9:01 AM  
Fine, when I was young and very, very foolish, I was fond of The Pussycat Dolls.

9:03 AM  
Bowling for Soup or Barenaked Ladies?

* * *

3:21 AM  
 _Plaid or stripes?_

3:22 AM  
It is three in the morning.

3:23 AM  
 _Vengeance is mine. Plus I’m stuck at a stupid fundraiser that went WAY TOO LATE and I’m bored. You’re awake anyway, right?_

3:23 AM  
Yes, but that doesn’t mean you just randomly text me at 3AM.

3:24 AM  
 _You have exams tomorrow. You don’t sleep before exams. You told me so ages ago. Plaid or stripes?_

3:34 AM  
Plaid. Chocolate or vanilla?

3:36 AM  
 _Caramel._

3:38 AM  
You have to pick something that’s offered.

3:39 AM  
 _Says she who disregarded Madonna._

3:42 AM  
I’m going to sleep now.

3:45 AM  
 _Sweet dreams._  

12:46 PM  
Thanks. You made me less anxious.

1:04 PM  
 _*thumbs up*_

* * *

12:04 PM  
 _So I was thinking that if your favorite song by The Who is Won’t Get Fooled Again, you’d probably really like Battle Cry, by Skillet. If you haven’t head that._

12:05 PM  
 _I can DropBox you if you want._

12:06 PM  
 _Lan Fan?_

12:54 PM  
Not today, Ling.

12:55 PM  
 _You okay?_

12:56 PM  
 **look, i don’t know who you are, but you need to leave her alone right now, okay?**

12:58 PM  
 _Who is this?_

12:59 PM  
 **lan fan’s roommate. and we will have words as to how long you two have been talking (are you the one she keeps texting in the middle of class?) but right now she just needs space.**

1:04 PM  
 _Is she okay?_

1:06 PM  
 **not really. she’ll be fine in a few days.**

1:07 PM  
 _Tell her to take as long as she needs._

1:09 PM  
 **will do, stalker-bro.**

* * *

11:45 PM  
Okay, so I’ve had this text waiting in my draft box for a week, and I’m just going to send it, because if I don’t, I’ll chicken out and never speak to you again, which would be super-awful and crappy of me.

11:46 PM  
I decided to go into the police academy because my parents were murdered in a home invasion when I was nine. I was there. I hid in a cubby hole at the back of the closet—my mom put me there—and I didn’t come out for three days afterwards. Not until my grandfather finally found me. I don’t know what I was thinking, since I know that most home invasion crimes don’t get solved—I mean, they do, but more of them get away with it than not, because the justice system is hobbled by the lawyers—but at the same time I just think that maybe I can change something. Even if it’s small. If I can protect one person, even if it’s only one, then maybe I’ll have made up for something.

11:47 PM  
That day you texted me was the anniversary of their death. I get mixed up. Sorry for being bitchy.

1:04 AM  
 _You still awake?_

1:04 AM  
Yeah.

1:05 AM  
 _You didn’t have to tell me that._

1:06 AM  
I wanted to.

1:07 AM  
 _I’m honored._

1:09 AM  
You don’t have to be.

1:11 AM  
 _I am anyways._

1:16 AM  
 _My dad’s been taking mistresses and divorcing and marrying about once every three years since before I was even born. I think my mom was his fifth marriage, or something. I don’t remember. He’s had three more wives since I was born, since she divorced him. I kept going back and forth between their houses until I finally put my foot down at sixteen and stayed with my mom._

1:17 AM  
 _Though by ‘stayed with’ I mean ‘lived in her guestroom while she was abroad.’_

1:18 AM  
 _I have maybe six siblings? The one I’m closest to is my little sister, Mei, but she still stays with my dad, so we don’t get along a lot of the time. The strongest memory I have of before the divorce is hiding under the bed while my mother threw a phone at my father’s head._

1:19 AM  
 _It’s nothing on what happened to you, but…I don’t know._

* * *

He picked up on the first ring.

“I thought you said that I’m a ghost in the machine. Pretty sure that talking to me means I explode into binary or something.”

Lan Fan rolled over. She was at her grandfather’s apartment for the weekend, thankfully. It meant no cat to take over her bed. She pulled her knees up to her belly, and curled around the pillow. “Somehow I don’t think ghosts in the machine have awful fathers.”

He laughed, but it was different than the one she remembered. Quieter, and more bitter, somehow. “No, just bratty college graduates.” He paused. “I don’t think I’ve told anyone that in a long time.”

“That you’re a bratty college graduate?”

“Shut up.” But he laughed again, and it sounded better this time. Lan Fan smiled a little into her pillow, ignoring the pinch to her throat. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah.” She traced an old stain on her mattress cover, from where she’d dropped coffee back in undergrad. Lan Fan took her glasses off (she never wore contacts past midnight) and set them on her windowsill. “I don’t like talking about mine. My parents, I mean.”

“You didn’t have to tell me,” he said. His voice was soft, almost like a secret. “It’s kind of obvious why you wouldn’t want to talk about it.”

“I wanted to tell you.” Lan Fan twisted her charge cord between her fingers.  “I guess because you deserved an explanation for why I was such a brat last week, but also because I wanted to? I don’t know. It makes more sense in my head.”

“No, it makes sense.” He hummed something under his breath. “It’s for the same reason I wanted to tell you about my parents, you know? It…explains something that you can’t work out otherwise.”

“Yeah.”

There was a moment of silence. Lan Fan put her cord back down, and stared at the old posters she’d pinned to the ceiling, the ones that she’d bought in middle school.

“How’d you do on exams?” Ling asked finally, and she snorted a little.

“I mean, I did okay. I think. I’ll pass, which means I get to graduate in a week and a half.” She sighed. “It’s weird to think that I’m graduating, you know? I’ll be going into the field program, but I’ll be done at the academy. I’ll be in actual training.”

“You’re graduating?” She could almost hear him smiling. And wasn’t it weird that she knew he was smiling when she didn’t actually know what he looked like? “That’s great, congratulations! When’s the ceremony?”

“Wednesday after next. Then I get to shadow a beat cop for a set number of hours, and then I’m an actual policewoman.” Something burned low and bright under her collarbone. “When’d you graduate college, anyway?”

“A year ago? Maybe. Yeah. I majored in political science.”

“Why?”

“Why?” He laughed again. “You do ask the hard questions, don’t you? I guess ‘cause my dad’s a senator and he wants me to work for him. I don’t know. I like it, though. It’s interesting. A lot of the time it’s really shallow and greedy and stuff, but that’s people who are abusing the method, not necessarily the method itself. You know?”

 She hummed. Lan Fan rolled onto her back. “Where’d you go to school?”

“You’re gonna hate me.”

“What? No.”

“No, seriously, you’re gonna hate me.”

“I’m not going to hate you.”

“That’s new. I don’t think you’ve ever said that and we’ve been talking for almost six months.”

Lan Fan flushed. “Shut up.”

“Aww.” He didn’t say it, though. _You’re blushing_. He always said it, but he didn’t this time. “I went to Harvard.”

She couldn’t speak. “Shut. Up.”

“I’m not lying. I said you were gonna hate me.” He put on a falsetto voice. “ _Ivy League Colleges are simply the weapons of the patriarchal system to which we are all bound by societally-implanted impulses._ ”

“I don’t hate you, And I just— _seriously_?”

“Oh, god,” he said, and he actually sounded almost miserable. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“But—” she paused. “But if your dad’s a senator and your mom’s a CEO of something-or-other then shouldn’t you have gone to, I don’t know, Cambridge or something? Isn’t Harvard kind of low-brow?”

There was a long pause. Then he was laughing. Honest-to-god laughing, like he couldn’t stop, and her heart skipped a beat. Lan Fan stared at the ceiling, and her lips parted. Finally, gasping for breath, he said, “Oh my god, Lan Fan, I seriously love you—” and her guts twisted into knots.

_Well, crap._

* * *

11:23 AM  
So are you ever going to introduce me to her?

11:25 AM  
 _What are you talking about?_

11:25 AM  
This mystery girl of yours. The one you keep texting all the time. I’m not stupid, y’know.

11:28 AM  
 _I mean, I’ve been texting her for six months. I would’ve thought you’d have noticed before now._

11:29 AM  
 _And she’s not my ‘mystery girl.’_

11:31 AM  
Please. You get this stupid sappy look when you’re staring at the phone sometimes. And you keep singing the Who under your breath. Don’t lie to me. 

11:32 AM  
 _None of my looks can be described as ‘stupid’ or ‘sappy,’ sister mine. Watch your language._

11:34 AM  
Oh my god, you’re seriously in denial about this?

11:36 AM  
 _I’m going to say again I have no idea what you’re talking about, and then I’m going to go back to what I was doing, which was texting MY FRIEND Lan Fan, and you just have to deal with it._

11:39 AM  
Just because I don’t live with you anymore doesn’t mean I don’t still have the shoe pictures. 

11:41 AM  
 _You wouldn’t._

11:43 AM  
I so would.

11:45 AM  
 _Dad would kill you._

11:46 AM  
Please. Dad wouldn’t know how to work a computer if it sat on him.

11:46 AM  
 _What do you want me to say, Mei?_

11:47 AM  
I don’t know. The truth would be nice.

11:48 AM  
 _So I’m supposed to say that a day I don’t hear from her is a day that feels lesser, somehow? And that she’s made me smile more than any other person I’ve met in my life? And that I know how stupid this is because I’ve never even seen her face but at the same time I can’t imagine my life without her anymore? That kind of thing? Because that’s what it’s come down to._

11:53 AM  
Sounds like you’re in love with her.

11:54 AM  
 _No, I just flirt with every wrong number I come across._

11:56 AM  
You guys seriously have the best meetcute story EVER.

11:57 AM  
 _MEI._

12:01 PM  
Sorry for trying to inject some levity into the situation.

12:02 PM  
Have you thought about meeting her in person?

12:04 PM  
 _She’s at the police academy. Finals and stuff. I don’t want to distract her._

12:05 PM  
As noble as that is, it kind of turns you into a wallowing corner-hugger, so I’m going to disregard that as irrelevant.

12:06 PM  
 _Mei?_

12:09 PM  
 _Mei, you better not be doing what I think you’re doing._

12:14 PM  
And what is it you think I’m doing?

12:15 PM  
 _Something stupid. Like trying to track her down._

12:16 PM  
I’m doing nothing of the sort. Go back to your corner-hugging. I have things to work out.

* * *

12:17 PM  
 _Uh, if you get a message from someone named Mei, doesn’t matter what the last name is, ignore it. Okay?_

12:18 PM  
I’m…going to pretend that makes any kind of sense and just go along with it.

12:18 PM  
 _Thanks._

* * *

7:21 AM  
 **you’re seriously not still jogging, are you? it’s been like two hours.**

7:26 AM  
Some days I have deep thoughts that can only be expressed through physical momentum.

7:27 AM  
 **oh my god. misdial stalker has really managed to get to you, hasn’t he?**

7:27 AM  
 **don’t lie to me. i heard you texting at like 4am again.**

7:29 AM  
I didn’t mean to wake you. Sorry.

7:30 AM  
 **you didn’t. i’m just as anxious about our grades as you. i haven’t slept in like three days.**

7:30 AM  
 **so? are you jogging because of grades or jogging because of anonymous misdials who seem to have swept you off your feet?**

7:34 AM  
He hasn’t swept me off my feet.

7:35 AM  
 **that explains why you don’t kill him when he texts you at four in the morning.**

7:38 AM  
I just

7:38 AM  
He knows 80s music, Paninya

7:39 AM  
And he distracts me when I’m nervous about things and he never seems bothered when I don’t talk all that much

7:39 AM  
And he’s stupidly charming and really smart and he makes me laugh all the time, even if I never tell him that he manages it, because that’ll just give him a swelled head

7:41 AM  
…I just don’t know what I’m doing.

7:42 AM  
 **invite him to graduation.**

7:43 AM  
WHAT

7:43 AM  
NO

7:43 AM  
 **why not?**

7:49 AM  
What if I’m not what he expects?

7:49 AM  
 **this is the first guy i’ve ever heard of that’s reduced you to forgetting proper punctuation, i think it’d be worth it even if HE isn’t what YOU expect. (we’re gonna have a talk about your inferiority complex when you get back, by the way.)**

7:55 AM  
I just…I don’t know.

7:56 AM  
Do you want coffee?

7:57 AM  
 **bring me a barrelful.**

* * *

5:12 AM  
 **‘sup, misdial stalker. lan fan’s never going to invite you on her own, but she’s pining, and it’s sickening, so if you don’t show up to the graduation tomorrow, i WILL fillet you. and trust me, i know how to do it, and since i now know a crapton about forensic science, i’d probably get away with killing you.**

5:46 AM  
 _…I don’t know what to say._

5:47 AM  
 **say you’ll come tomorrow.**

5:47 AM  
 _I’d rather not invade her space._

5:49 AM  
 **please. if you’re as bad off as she is, then put you BOTH out of your suffering. and i meant it about the filleting thing.**

5:50 AM  
 _Is she awake?_

5:51 AM  
 **she never went to sleep. see you tomorrow, stalker-bro. wear something she’ll recognize. or bring a sign. or something. i don’t know. but if you’re not there, i will find you, and i will end you. ciao.**

* * *

6:03 AM  
 _So when your roommate threatens someone with violence, about how frequently is she being completely serious?_

6:04 AM  
She threatened you with violence?

6:05 AM  
 _A while ago. But I was just wondering._

6:06 AM  
I’ve never known her not to follow through on a threat.

6:07 AM  
 _….all right, then._

* * *

6:13 AM  
Oh my god, I think I’m going to throw up.

6:14 AM  
 _You’ll be fine. I know you will. When’s the ceremony?_

6:14 AM  
Ten. And thanks for the faith, but I’m seriously going to throw up right now.

6:15 AM  
 _Why? You passed. You kicked ass, clearly. You’re graduating. You’re a cop._

6:16 AM  
I think that’s why? I just never thought about what’d happen after I graduated. It was always just ‘get to the academy,’ not ‘get to a precinct’ or ‘do this’ or ‘do that.’

6:16 AM  
I don’t know if that makes sense.

6:17 AM  
 _Can you pick your supervisors for after graduation?_

6:20 AM  
I don’t think so. If I could, though, I think I’d like to work with Detective Hawkeye. Not that she’d be a supervisor because she’s a detective and not a beatcop, but I talked to her a few times (I never looked at your record, don’t even start) and she’s really nice. She knows what she’s doing.

6:21 AM  
 _Is that what you want to be? A detective?_

6:23 AM  
Eventually. Are you going to be a senator, like your dad wants?

6:24 AM  
 _I don’t know. I thought about it, but I hate what my dad is, you know? So even if I do get into politics full time, it won’t be in the same way he’s done it. I want to do more than what he's done. Help the helpless. You know?_

6:25 AM  
You won’t become your father. You’re too good a person for that.

6:29 AM  
 _Thanks, Lan Fan._

6:31 AM  
: )

6:34 AM  
Now I’m going to puke. I’ll let you know how the ceremony goes.

6:35 AM  
 _You can’t take your phone with you?_

6:37 AM  
Well, we can, but it has to be off. And I’ll be in uniform, and stuff. Plus there’s speeches and things, so it’d be rude to text you mid-ceremony.

6:39 AM  
What are you even doing up this early, anyway?

6:40 AM  
 _Mei’s scheming. It’s making me uncomfortable._

6:41 AM  
If you go to Café Resembool, there might be a coffee waiting for you after eight AM.

6:43 AM  
 _You are my favorite person EVER._

* * *

9:30 AM  
The car’s pulling up in five minutes. Get in.

9:31 AM  
 _No, Mei._

9:32 AM  
I am not going to be the awful sister that lets her brother ruin his own chances at happiness. Now when the car pulls up, you’re going to get in the elevator, you’re going to come down, you’re going to get in the car, and you’re going to STAY IN THE CAR. And you’re going to her damn graduation and I will make you introduce yourself if I have to claw all the skin off of your face to do it.

9:34 AM  
Don’t argue with me.

9:35 AM  
 _Why am I surrounded by threats of violence?_

9:36 AM  
Because you’re a pansy. Here. 

9:37 AM  
 _If I die today, it’ll be your fault._

* * *

She hadn’t thrown up. She’d come really close, but she hadn’t thrown up. Lan Fan let out a breath as she clattered down the stairs off the stage, covering the badge with one hand. Even in the chill of the early spring air, it was warm under her palm, her badge number newly engraved on fresh metal. She’d seen her grandfather out of the corner of her eye as she’d been passed her badge, his lips pressed together in that way that meant he was trying very hard not to let emotion overwhelm him. She knew she’d cried a little. She’d wiped the tears away as soon as no one was looking, but she’d done it. There was smeared makeup on her glove to prove it.

Paninya flung an arm around her as soon as she hit the ground again, and hugged her tight. “Told you we’d be okay!”

“I seem to recall I was the one telling you that at four this morning,” said Lan Fan, but her voice cracked a little. She squeezed Paninya tight. “We did it.”

“We did it,” Paninya said. Her cap was jamming into Lan Fan’s cheek. She pulled back, and dabbed at her eyes. “God, enough of this mushy stuff. We’re kickass cops now. You know? Seriously.” Paninya went up on her tiptoes. “So where’s your granddad? I’ve heard so much about him, I kind of have to meet him at this point. It’s obligatory.”

“This way,” said Lan Fan, and pushed her way into the crowd, Paninya right on her heels. There were about forty graduating applicants in her class, and a lot of them were laughing and joking and chatting with their families. The youngest had just graduated high school a week before she’d joined the program; she waved at Lan Fan as Lan Fan passed. Paninya squeezed her shoulder before they vanished into the crowd again.

Fuu was waiting near a garbage can outside of the crowd, perched on the edge of a bench with his arms crossed, watching the gaggle. As soon as Lan Fan emerged, he stood, his mustache bristling with a smile. He clapped a hand on her shoulder. “You did it.”

“I did it,” said Lan Fan. He squeezed her shoulder hard. His eyes were glassy. Lan Fan didn’t quite know what to say; she clasped his hand with hers, and squeezed back. Behind her, Paninya was bouncing on the balls of her feet, straining a little to peer over the crowd. Lan Fan wondered if she was looking for someone. Paninya had told her that her foster family was too far away to come to her graduation, but it was possible she had a boyfriend or someone that Lan Fan didn’t know about. Her roommate was, after all, notoriously close to the chest when it came to guys, or girls, or whatever. (Paninya’s words, not hers.)

Lan Fan thought of her cell phone, and made herself remember she was still at the ceremony, so she couldn’t turn it on.

“Grandfather,” she said, and turned a little. “This is Paninya. Paninya was my roommate all through the program; she’s wonderful. Paninya, this is my grandfather, Fuu Lin.”

“Nice to meet you,” said Paninya. Grandfather bobbed his head.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” he said, and to Lan Fan’s surprise, Paninya colored a little. She laughed.

“Oh, please. How many horror stories did she tell you?”

Paninya’s phone went off. Holding up a finger—“one sec, sorry,” she turned, and answered it. “You’d better be here, dude. I meant what I said.” Lan Fan glanced back at her grandfather, and shrugged a little before making a _she’s crazy_ motion with her hands. Paninya smacked her on the back of the head without looking around, and walked away.

Fuu’s eyes crinkled. “She is a good friend.”

“Yeah.” Lan Fan rubbed the back of her head. “When she’s not hitting me.” She glanced back up at the stage. “Did I look horrible?”

“You looked beautiful,” he said. “You looked like your mother. They would be very proud of you, Lan Fan.”

Her eyes watered a little. “Thank you.”

“ _I’m_ proud of you,” he added, and Lan Fan was seriously going to cry. She bit the inside of her cheek rather than let the tears spill over, and smiled wide.

 “Thank you, _yeye._ ”

“Lan Fan!” Paninya bellowed. She was nearly ten yards away now; waving frantically. “Come on! I want you to meet someone.”

Lan Fan glanced back at her grandfather. “Do you…?”

“I’ll be fine,” he said. “Go. I’ll wait here.”

She smiled, hugged him (he bore this with great tolerance, patting her between the shoulder blades gingerly) and then trotted off to catch up with Paninya. She’d put her phone away, and was engaged in a very vigorous conversation with two people Lan Fan didn’t recognize at all. She wondered if one was Paninya’s foster sister; she was short enough.

Then she heard his voice, and froze. He was arguing with the short girl, the one with braids. She couldn’t quite tell what he was saying—he was too far away—but when she pulled up to a sudden stop, he looked up, and his eyes widened. His lips parted. Lan Fan nearly choked on her own spit.

“Ling,” she said, and Paninya shut up, looking very, _very_ pleased with herself.

“Hi,” he said.

He was taller than she’d imagined, or maybe her imagination was faulty. Skinny, with long black hair in a ponytail. She didn’t know his face at all, but she wasn’t sure she was making up the way one corner of his mouth was deeper than the other, as if he wasn’t sure what expression to make. Next to her, Paninya bounced on the balls of her feet, and clapped Lan Fan on the back a few times. “Surprise,” she said. “Now get the hell over yourselves.” Then she pranced off to go talk to the short girl with braids. Within seconds, they were giggling.

Okay. _Now_ she was going to throw up.

“Um,” said Lan Fan, and took her uniform cap off. Her scalp ached from the tight bun she’d put her hair in, hours ago. “Hi.”

Ling glanced over her shoulder at Paninya, and then looked at her face again, as if he couldn’t quite bring himself to look away. “In my defense, she did threaten violence. And my sister did, too. I wouldn’t have invaded otherwise.”

“ _Paninya_ ,” Lan Fan snarled, but when she turned to commit murder, he reached out and touched her shoulder. He yanked his hand back almost instantly, but it had burned.

“It’s okay,” he said. He was wearing a band shirt for The Who under an open button down. Dark jeans. Ratty sneakers. His mouth quirked. “I mean, she went behind your back and everything, but…”

“But you’re here,” she said.

“But _you’re_ here,” he replied, and she couldn’t help it. She flushed bright red, and ducked her head so she could hide it behind her hair. Except her hair was up, so all she did was look stupid.

“I feel like I should have more to say,” he said. She peeked up at him through her lashes. “We talk nonstop on the phone.”

She shrugged a little. She was fairly sure that if _she_ said something right now, she’d either trip over her own tongue, or puke, or both, and either way, she didn’t have a clue what to say. He didn’t seem all that bothered, though. Ling stuck his hands in his pockets, and he smiled full-on this time, small but honest. His eyes crinkled.

“Nice to meet you, Officer Lin.”

“Oh my god,” she said without thinking, “shut _up_.” And then she blushed again, redder this time, because the smile turned into a grin, and she’d punched him in the shoulder without realizing she’d moved.

“Ow.” He rubbed his arm. “You _can_ punch.”

“You’re a jerk,” she said, and he smirked.

“You knew that already.”

“Shut _up_.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the short girl with braids sign something vigorous at Ling. He jerked his hand over his throat, scowling a little. When he realized she’d noticed, he flushed, high over his cheekbones. It was adorable. He was adorable. And kind of really pretty. And oh, god, where had her brain gone?

“I was going to text you,” she said, and when he stepped a bit closer, tentative, she tilted her head. “You’re tall.”

This time, his grin was downright lascivious. “That’s all you have to say?”

“What else am I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know. Maybe _I like your face._ ”

“You suck.” Her face was going to melt. She was certain of it. “You suck a _lot_.”

“And you’re cute,” he said, and the little blush came back again. “Seriously, though. You’re—you’re kind of adorable.”

She covered her face with her hands. Was it possible to sink into the earth’s core through sheer force of will? She hoped so. “I hate you so much right now. I’m going to kill you. You’re going to _die_.”

“Nah, you like me too much.”

She peeked at him through her fingers. The grin had faded a little, and his eyes were soft. Stupidly soft. She was in _so much trouble_ if he kept making those soft eyes at her. She lowered her hands a little, and then said, “You came.”

Ling nodded. “Of course I came. I mean, I probably would have contented myself with being creepy and hanging on the sidelines if Paninya hadn’t threatened me, and I definitely wasn’t going to introduce myself until she did—‘cause, you know, creepy stalker stuff—but, you know. I came. Even though this place is full of cops and any one of you could arrest me for being super sketchy. Do you wanna go get coffee with me?”

“What?”

“Coffee,” he repeated, and now the little flush was a full-on red-cheeked blush and _where was she supposed to look_? “I mean, if you want to.” He paused. “I’m usually way better at this, I swear. You kind of knock me off balance.”

“Really?” she said, and a grin tugged at the corners of her mouth. He ran a hand down his face.

“Oh, god. You’re gonna rub that in my face later, aren’t you?”

“Maybe later. Maybe not.”

“Oh _god_ ,” he repeated, but now she was smiling like an idiot. This was the guy she’d been talking to for months and months. This was Ling. She hadn’t been wrong. _This_ was Ling.

“I happen to know this place that makes really good coffee.”

His eyebrows lifted. “Really? Where’d you hear about it?”

“Some wrong number,” she said, still smiling stupidly, and when he held out his hand, she took it. There were calluses on his fingers. “Kind of a weird guy. He wants to save the world.”

“Huh. He sounds cool.”

“Nah, he’s a total dork. But I like him a lot.”

He squeezed her fingers. “Really?”

“Yeah.” She squeezed back. “And I’m about seventy-eight percent sure he’s not a serial killer.”

“ _Mean_.”

“Psh, you love me,” she said, without thinking, and then she choked, because you didn’t just _say that to people._ But Ling’s hand tightened on hers, and he stopped walking, looking down at her with the strangest expression, half a smile, half soft eyes. She was so, so dead.

“Yeah,” he said. “I think I kinda do. Is that weird?”

“Not as weird as it should be,” she said, “considering I’ve kind of been in love with you for weeks,” and then she went on tiptoe and kissed him, because she wasn’t sure she could bear not doing it. In an instant, his hands were in her hair, her bun was undone, and Lan Fan leaned into him, breathing him in (coffee grounds and warm skin), feeling warm and brave and _wanted_ for the first time in a very long time. He ended up smiling too wide for the kiss not to break, but she loved the feeling of his lips on her skin.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice low; it sent a shiver up her spine. “We’re _definitely_ doing more of that, Wrong Number Girl.”

Lan Fan laughed.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [It's Not a Big Deal](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2385116) by [hangonsilvergirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hangonsilvergirl/pseuds/hangonsilvergirl)
  * [Meetcute PODFIC](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7544326) by [MomoYoMaki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MomoYoMaki/pseuds/MomoYoMaki)




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